The Hol Story

Raising your children on the internet

2010-05-13T06:48:00.000-07:00

My little girl is online. She's not tweeting, nor texting, nor facebooking or anything like that. But I taught her how to use a mouse a few months ago, and now she's a real pro at it. 2 1/2, and she's using a mouse...who hoo!!!

She's got a handful of websites that she likes, and after playing only a few weeks is now a pro at navigating, closing screens, opening new ones, and somehow, she now knows how to add.

That blew my mind...my little girl seems to have figured out addition, and now subtraction. I would be beaming with self pride, but the only problem is that I didn't teach her that.

I taught her numbers, but the internet taught her to add them together. I swear, here's the link to the game that she learned with. I guess I have to share some credit with the internet this time.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/ks1bitesize/numeracy/numbers/index.shtml

Gotta share credit with Grandma for sending the website also

The Second Dump!

2009-09-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

She did it again yesterday, her second dump.

My feelings are still a little hurt over no one wanting to see the first result...but oh well...

She went in the potty chair...or on top of it anyway. I think she got a little excited to see it, and stood up before it was out. Oh well...it was great.

Not even 2 years old, and already getting the potty thing.

Otherwise, it's just been more of the same lately. More words, more sentences that actually make sense, more of us being amazed at how much she remembers.

I asked her if she remembered the museum in NYC 2 weeks ago...she said yes. I asked if she remembered the gorillas we saw, she said "stuffed". She remembers seeing the stuffed gorilla. She must remember the dissapointment when she stared at the gorillas for a half hour and they didn't move an inch.

We were in Meijer today getting some paint, and she pointed at a mounting bracket for their computer screen and said "Bobby's House". Sure enough, the bracket is pretty much the exact one that is at Bobby's house. I never would have drawn that connection.

Then, as we were waiting for the incompetant worker to mix the paint, she started saying Bobby's House again. I kept saying I know Alex...I know. She then grabbed by head and turned it across the aisle...pointing me directly at the beer coozy that...sure enough...Bobby uses to keep his beer cold.

This both makes me proud, and worries the hell out of me. I'm quite the unobservant one, and my memory will often fail me like someone in an old age home...and my almost 2 year old is picking out details and drawing connections I would never make.

Whoo...maybe spending the last 6 months doing nothing with my day but cramming as much as I could fit into my daughter's head is eventually going to backfire on me. Perhaps I'm going to raise a kid smarter than I am.

Who hoo...Superdad!

I guess my wife should probably get some credit too...but, I'm egotistical and she isn't, so be it.

New York City

2009-09-09T09:52:00.001-07:00

It was time for our little girl to meet the big apple. We figured, if she could make it there she could make it anywhere...it's up to you, New...nevermind.

Quite a step up from our fortress in the woods, far from any city life. We live in a city where if there are 2 cars waiting at the red light (either one) it's considered gridlock.

It was quite overstimulating for her...so much to look at, so many people, so many bus and train and boat rides. It took several days for her head to stop spinning.

We started out by taking a subway ride to the Staten Island Ferry. If you're going to New York, this is a definite must. It's a free ferry, and gives you some amazing views of the Manhattan skyline, New Jersey, Brooklyn, and of course the Statue of Liberty. Also, it was the only time all week that we weren't sweating like pigs, because you get a nice misty breeze from New York harbor.

Staten Island is kinda cool...like one big suburb. We walked around a little, and saw the 9/11 memorial with all of the people from Staten Island who were killed. Pretty neat.

We then headed up Broadway to Wall Street, checked out the NYSE and all those banks (many of which are still open). We were getting hungry, so we wandered into Chinatown for some food. I'm thinking most of the restaurants there cater to actual Chinese people, and they all were cash only. So instead, we walked into Little Italy for dinner. Found a great spot, mostly great because they had air conditioning...did I mention it was like a swamp in NYC?

We figured enough for one day...and hopped on a bus back to New Jersey. Alex loved the tunnel...and she crashed pretty hard.

The second day, we went to see the World Trade Center...and we were horribly dissapointed to find out it wasn't there anymore. What happened??? kidding...but it wasn't all that spectacular...a big hole in the ground. They're already rebuilt World Trade Center 7, very nice building.

We then headed over to the East Village, and walked past Katz's Deli (where Harry met Sally) and went to a bodegah grocery store because I had heard ravings about their deli. Note to the wise...always listen when people rave, because we had some world class sandwiches. I had the pho real, and Susan got a bbq chicken kimchee hero. We took our lunch to a small park and let Alex blow off steam while we feasted. A huge moment of jealousy overcame me when I found out that not only was this awesome deli open 24/7, but they also delivered sandwiches and beer at 4:30am if you were so inclined.

I gave the rest of my sandwich to a homeless guy...and he literally ate it with his whole face. Wasn't that nice of me?

We toured the East Village, I was kinda dissapointed there were no freaky looking people walking around, but oh well. We went to Washington Square Park and let Alex blow off some more steam on the swings, and they even had some kiddie toys for everyone to share. Probably some heiress (it's a wealthy neighborhood) left her kid's toys there.

We also saw a rude and filthy homeless woman throw half a hot dog into the fountain. I wanted to chase her down and make her pick it out...there were kids playing in the fountain that she decided should double as her trash can. What a pig!

We then made it to Rockefeller park while we waited for Nobu to open. Another nice park, right on the NJ waterfront.

Nobu was incredible. It's Robert DeNiro's restaurant...not quite a sushi joint but kinda. I had some Kobe beef (wow!) and some shrimp and Susan got some beef skewers...Alex had rice and some other goodies we had store away.

After a quick tour of Soho, we wandered our way back to Chinatown and found a fruit stand selling mutant grapes. These things were the size of plums, so we had to buy some for Alex. She loved them! That was enough for one day, so back to NJ for some sleep.

We then wanted to hit Coney Island, but first though we should get a bagel. I picked what was considered one of the best places in NYC for bagels, Essa-Bagel. I was right...holy cow, I'm so jealous of New Yorkers...imagine being able to eat like this every day! Outstanding bagels!!!

We walked past 30 Rockefeller (NBC) on our way back to the subway. We saw Hota Kotb from the today show (my wife recognized her). 30 Rock is cool, but since I have a wife who isn't fond of heights, we skipped the skydeck.

On the way to Coney Island, we went to the Brooklyn Heights promenade....awesome view of Manhattan!

Coney Island is quite cool...we went to the Nathan's Famous for a real Coney Island hot dog (Detroit does a damn good immitation I must say). Nathan's is good...not quite Layfayatte Coney Island, but damn good.

We walked the boardwalk, and decided that we should hit the beach since it was a little warm...ok, it was horribly hot and humid I must remind you. We went to what we thought would be the changing room, and then the dry heaves hit. It was disgusting, it smelled like a hot pile of pig shit with some limberger cheese melted on top. Instead, we opted to try changing on the beach (unlike the family of 35 who just decided to drop trou in the middle of the board walk...i'm not kidding, there were naked children everywhere.

We quickly changed Alex on the beach, and then it was our turn. My wife amazed me (and dissapointed me a little) that she could change her clothes under a towel and not expose herself a bit. I wasn't so good at it (Jeff, your _____ is hanging out, I can see your ____).

After we got our suits on, we took our little girl into the water. We would have preferred she walk, but apparently sand is too dirty for her, so she was carried. She also couldn't walk very well in the water, becuase the beach is littered with clam shells. I cut my feet up a little, so she had an excuse. Once we got in the water, she loved it.

As I was working on a massive sand castle for Alex to destroy, her and Mommy went over to a playground on the beach. They came back about 20 minutes later, upset because some "dumb boy" was throwing sand on the slide, and threw it into Alex's eyes. Oh boy, I was pissed off. So I grabbed Alex and went back to the playground. I think I scared the crap out of the "dumb boy"...no, I didn't drown the kid like I wanted to...but simply stared him down and told Alex not to worry about this "dumb boy". We didn't have any further problem with "dumb boys". I told Alex that Daddy would probably be scaring dumb boys away from her for the next 20 years...but luckily she still appreciates my help.

After we were all tired and had sand in many unmentionable places, we decided to get a coke and walk around a little more. We decided that Alex should ride some kiddie rides, but first there was a ferris wheel calling our names. It was quite the ferris wheel, some of the cars actually slid on tracks and swung as it was moving. I was astounded when Susan picked one of those cars rather than the stationary ones. Did I mention that she doesn't like heights all that much?

The ride was fun until the car slid and swung...it was no joke, they really move a lot. I have fingernail marks on my arm from Susan grabbing me...and since Mommy was scared, Alex was terrified. I quietly reminded Susan that if she pretended to enjoy it, Alex would be less scared. So as she was locked up in terror, she managed to let out a wheee! After going around twice, the ride was over, much to my dismay and the girls' relief. I'm proud of my girls for facing their fears.

Then we decided that kiddie rides were probably more appropriate, so Alex rode the carousel a few times (loved it). She also rode the dizzy dragons twice, liked them at first but then probably got a little nauseous. She rode the choo choo (boring) and rode the whale ride with Daddy. She liked that one, up and down, up and down. She even rode the little car ride by herself, and I think the operator let her go around twice.

She was pooped, so we gave away the rest of our ride tickets and boarded the train. We were on our way to Di Farra's Pizza in Brooklyn, which was supposed to be one of the best in the world. Apparently, they're so good they don't need to be open on Monday or Tuesday...a fact that escaped Daddy. Oh well, we made our way back to Broadway and got some pizza there...which was quite good.

Enough for one day...back to NJ.

We then decided to do the shopping tour...we walked past a ton of high end stores, and then took our little girl to FAO Schwartz. It's a huge toy store, and Alex was literally screaming running in circles looking at all of the toys. She found a huge stuffed frog that she loved, she loved the dolls, and we had to pry her away from the one that we let her hold. They were a little expensive for my taste.

She was astounded by the train set they had set up...she kept making her way back to watch the choo-choo's. Something tells me that there's a train set in her future. `
She got to walk on the big piano (see the movie Big) and loved it, and after 2 hours we had to get her out of there or she was going to have a seizure.

The next day, we got another bagel from Essa-Bagel, which was again incredible. We then went to the Natural History Museum. Alex got to see all kinds of dinosaur skelatons, and Susan and I got to see some anthropology stuff while she napped in her stroller. Once she woke up, we went and saw some stuffed animals (she didn't want to leave the gorilla exibit) and we left.

Then, feeling a little hungry, we decided to go shopping at Zabar's Deli. This place is a foodie paradise. We picked up a baguette, some spicy salami, some percuitto, some regular salami, some cheese (including a brie wheel for $0.99, couldn't pass it up). To top it all off...we got a pastrami and corned beef sandwhich from their deli. We also went across the street where they were selling very good wine out of a cardboard box. It was better than any wine I ever drank from a box.

We took our feast to Central Park and found a nice spot on the grass for our picnic. I sat there overwealmed by all the great food and blue with jealousy again because New Yorkers can eat like this every day.

After our 2 hour picnic, we rented a row boat and Daddy rowed us around the lake in Central Park. It was very relaxing (especially if you were not rowing). We saw some lady feeding the turtles, hundreds of them, against the law but she said they only give her warnings.

We also saw the Dakota apartments...which is where John Lennon was shot and killed. Very sad...all I can say.

It was our last night in New York, and none of us wanted to go back to New Jersey yet. We walked down Broadway, past all the lights and shows...saw the Letterman building, The Lion King...all of that. Maybe next time we'll do some shows but figured Alex was too young to sit still for hours. We made our way to Times Square...I wondered to myself what the electric bill would cost for one month...

We made our way to 42nd street, and we were starting to get a little hungry...I thought we could probably find something near Grand Central Station, so on we walked. Luckily, we walked past The Original Soupman (the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld) and we had to try some. The people working there were not as mean or strict as the show, but the soup...omg...we shared a pint of crab bisque. I have honestly not had any soup that good in my life, nor as expensive (15 bucks for a bowl of soup). Alex was being adorable for the guys working there, so they gave her a free ice cream cone (it was Hagen-daas) Wow...made her day.

We made it to Grand Central...very impressive inside and out. They have the entire zodiac painted on the ceiling. We kept walking and made it all the way to the United Nations building. We were about pooped, so it was back to Grand Central for a shuttle to the bus station, and on our way back to New Jersey. Alex said bye bye Nyork City as we drove away for the last time.

Man...what a week. There were so many things we didn't get to do...but the good news is that now we have a reason to go back.

Don't visit New York without getting a bagel from Essa, without getting a sandwich from Sunny and Annie's and Zabars, and without taking a row boat in Central Park.

My Big Girl

2009-09-04T17:39:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a trip to New York City...which I'll talk about later...but when we got back we decided it was big girl time.

I figure getting back from vacation away from home is a good time to start some new things with her.

The main point here, is getting the buh-buh (pacifier) away from her. She was dangerously addicted to that thing, and just like cigarettes for me on my 30th birthday, cold turkey was the best way to go about it. I had my last cigarette forever on 11:55 pm on my 30th birthday.

Alexandra had her last buh-buh in the car ride Monday afternoon, then we took it away forever.

The buh-buh is for babies, and my little Alex is a big girl as of Monday.

She's doing ok without it today (4 days cold turkey). Going to bed was a 20 minute screaming experience Monday night..but today it was less than 5. In the car, it doesn't get to screaming...but she still likes to remind us that she would like the buh-buh if we were so inclined.

She hasn't really minded, because Monday began a whole new life for her. She now eats at the table with Mom and Dad, rather than the plastic tray that accompanies her booster seat. She also got an old painting ladder, to pull up to the counter and help Mom or Dad cook dinner. She loves helping us, kinda scary.

She also gets to use a stool to wash her own hands in the kitchen sink. She's getting better, but still prefers to wash one hand at a time. I keep telling her, her hands need to use the buddy system, but she apparently doesn't quite get it...

Alex is also starting to use the potty chair, and has taken her first pee and her first dump in the potty. Who hoo! No offense little one...but I'd like to stop wiping your butt. Get on it (bullwhip crack)

I'm starting a poll...I have a picture of Alex's first dump...would anyone like to see it?

I think this was a good idea...get rid of the baby habit at the same time that you get more grown up priveledges. Genius idea if I do say so myself (although I think my wife actually thought of it...)

Damn Jets...

2009-08-21T12:30:00.001-07:00

For some reason...the Air Force likes to play with their million dollar toys in my backyard. We live in the middle of the woods along the Ohio River Valley, so I guess it's acceptable for them to zoom around over my house.

Now my little girl is not a very big noise person. She's terrified of loud noises. I guess for once I can accept a little bit of blame for that, since as I said we live in the middle of nowhere. We never listen to loud music, don't talk too loud, and really never got Alex used to noises early enough.

So the jets screaming through the Ohio Valley have always terrified her...and coincedentially since they like to do this around naptime...cost her a lot of sleep.

It's always been a little bad, but then we decided to attend the Detroit Hyrdoplane race. She was a little scared of the boats at first, but since she got to watch them splash water everywhere, she soon was ok with the noise.

Then they decided that it was time for the Air Force flyby. Oh joy...but wait, there's more. They decided that this time, they should fly by at mach 1, so everyone can experience the fun of feeling their chest cave in for a sonic boom.

Assholes!

They scared the living daylights out of her. She's traumatized now, perhaps forever, because they decided to take the multi-million dollar toys I bought them (I'm still waiting for my ride) and blow my daughter's eardrums out.

Now it's more than just a little whimper and a scared look when jets do their almost daily flyby...now it's a terrified run to Mommy or Daddy with tears and a ghost white panic face.

Thanks guys

My Powerpoint Slides

2009-08-03T18:53:00.001-07:00

I spent some time in corporate America, and one thing I learned was how to operate Powerpoint. It's a useful tool when selling your soul in the corporate meat grinder...it keeps you on point in front of people so your conscience doesn't take over...otherwise you might actually tell the truth.

Powerpoint has also proven to be a useful tool in teaching my little one her numbers and letters. I spent so much time getting her to read her flashcards, that I didn't stop to think that she wasn't reading the whole word, just the big letter in the middle of the card. Thanks, Mom, for pointing that one out. As a result, my little girl thought that the letter A always meant Apple, B meant Bee, and so on. Oh well.

I made a powerpoint slideshow with 26 slides, each slide had one capital and one lowercase letter, in 400 point font, and in bold red letters. The first slide had Aa, the second Bb, and so on. I also recorded my own voice on each slide, saying the letter on the slide. I set the slideshow up to change the slide using the space key, and to wrap so the show goes on and on.

Sometimes she'll hit the button and wait for the audio, sometimes she'll just hold the space and let it loop the alphabet over and over. Either way, she's learning the alphabet and it's something that she likes doing. She asks me to play "letters game".

Oh, and before you suggest, I also did it with numbers as well. I have the number, a bunch of red dots for each number, and my voice saying the number. She's got up to 20 pretty well down, and she can count from 1 to 12 without the slide show running. I also had mom do the same except in French (she's teaching both of us French now).

If you would like, shoot me an email at minsterhol@gmail.com and I'd be happy to email you these files for use with your own kids.

Bonk

2009-07-26T21:11:00.001-07:00

Man, tonight was a bad night. My poor little girl had her first head bonk. She's ok, cried for a minute (an especially long time for her to cry) and was quite shaken up for a half hour or so.

Baby, seems she's doing fine. Parents...maybe not so much.

I feel terrible, I should have been there to make the diving catch. I'm supposed to be superdad, and man did I drop the ball today. I feel awful that I turned to use the laptop...and not for a noble function, no, it was to look up whether or not a KFC we're going to frequent next week is a buffet or not.

Great Dad I am, I put the Colonel and his damn 11 herbs and spices ahead of my daughter's safety. I was more concerned about increasing my saturated fat content than acting as an airbag for the tile floor...luckily we bought a large area rug just for this purpose.

Maybe I am a decent Dad after all, at least I knew eventually my little baby would bonk her head, and bought this rug to cushion the blow.

Actually, my wife bought it, but at least I carried it in from the car.

She's probably going to have a rough day tomorrow, not only because of the bump on her head and cheek, but also because she's going to have Dad not letting her climb a stair, put on her shoes, or let her eat with any utensils save her hands for fear that she might get hurt.

I think I feel a headache coming on...perhaps it's sympathetic...or more probably because i actually banged my head on the same floor to try and recreate the sound to see how hard she hit. You bet, I don't lie, I actually did that. It's not the first time I've done it either.

Man, now I'm going to have to teach my little girl calculus this week just so I can feel like a decent Dad. Overcompensate...that's how I roll.

Bathtime

2009-07-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

I think we've finally crossed a hump when it comes to bathtime, or just water in particular.

Alex has never liked taking baths since birth. A minor victory was felt if we could get her bathed and redressed without her eyebrows turning red (it really happens when she gets mad).

I have to give most of the credit to my wife for this one...for some reason she normally has a pretty easy time with bathtime, while she fights Dad through every moment. I have to be careful what I wear during bathtime, because she will try at least once to leap from the tub into my arms. She's got a pretty good vertical jump becuase she damn near makes it.

My wife has it easier, but Alex still has fought her from using the big bathtub, rather than her baby tub, and the hair rinse. She hates having water being poured over her head, and she normally acts as if we were waterboarding her.

Today, however, not even a whimper for even the hair rinse. She laughed and played and it only took 5-10 minutes to wash her.

Perhaps this is because we have been taking her in the pool more often, so now she thinks of water as fun rather than frightening.

This minor character flaw has been corrected, now we've got to get her to stop being afraid of fighter jets that buzz our house almost daily. (I've considered calling my congressman).

Another task for Superdad!

(perhaps a little credit for Supermom too...)

Chicago

2009-07-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

Last week, we travelled to Chicago to accompany Mommy on a business trip. She got to hang out with us at night, but we were by ourselves to wander the city by day.

We went to the Sears Tower, which is now the building formally known as the Sears Tower, or the Willis Tower. Who will ever call it the Willis Tower, probably nobody. It would be kinda like renaming Soldier Field, no one would remember the new name. Actually, the courts decreed that Soldier Field cannot legally be renamed because it's a national landmark...but I guess the world's tallest building for more than a generation doesn't count as a national landmark?

Oh, and while I'm whining about the naming thing, I might as well mention...the movie they make you watch tells you how many floors, how many windows, and how many bathrooms are installed...but I think they forgot one bathroom...like the one on the skydeck? No bathrooms...a quarter mile in the air and not one bathroom. Is that too much to ask...I'm just not one of those change my baby in public kinda people, I hated those people growing up. Tell you what, Sears Tower people...you want me to call it Willis Tower, bathrooms on the 104th floor.

Oh...did I digress?

Ah yes, Sears Tower. They have these cool glass rooms protruding out from the observation deck, so you look down and it's nothing between you and cement but a thin layer of glass and a 1/4 mile of thin air. It's sweet, check out the picture.

My brave little girl...she actually stood on the glass floor and jumped, just about gave an old woman a heart attack. She eventually looked down long enough to realize how very high she was and stepped off...but I was proud.

We went to a Japanese restaurant north of the city...hauled our little girl on a subway where she promptly made friends with everyone who didn't have their nose buried in a book. I think a captive audience of mentally exausted commuters is something 2 year olds dream of. Anyway, the food was incredible and cheap, and my daughter out-ate both of us. I swear someone was looking in the phone book for the CPS number, because you would have thought we never fed her.

She profusely thanked the nice waiter, much to the annoyance of the other patrons (I said profusely didn't I?) It was one funny interruption, and the exception to the rule for her. I was starting to get worried that I wouldn't be able to go to dinner anymore...because she was beginning to get worse and I'm not going to be one of those people who brings their demon children to restaurants. I think we've gotten her trained a little better (or we've remembered to bring the backup methods like crayons and finger food to distract her from a meltdown).

Chicago's a sweet town, stop in if you have time. Kids love stroller rides through the city at mach 2...it's fun people really just move out of your way when you walk really fast with a stroller.

Best advice, don't panic

2009-07-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

I think every parent goes through this, and with the advent of the internet it's getting worse.

If your kid is sick, be careful in overreacting.

Recently, our daughter was kind of ill. She had a fairly severe fever, was a little lethargic, and actually threw up for the first time in her life (she was 20 months old).

We panicked, and remembered how the day before, we found a tick in her room. Surely, she had contracted lyme disease. She had the symptoms, and certainly there had to be a connection.

Well...come to find out, that it takes a tick like 6 hours to give you anything at all, and there wasn't even a tick on her body. Bad diagnosis, Dad!

Turns out, she was more likely a little dehydrated and exausted, because she was bright and chipper a day later.

And turns out...the vomit was only because we took her on her first plane ride. Oops!

So rather than run to the internet and decide that your baby's hacking cough can certainly only be mesothelioma, or that her skin rash must certainly be ebola...just think calmly and realize it's either a bad cold or Roseola.

She pierced her tongue

2009-06-29T17:24:00.000-07:00

My 20 month old daughter got her tongue pierced a few days ago.

Ok...not really, but she did bite her tongue pretty hard, it looks pretty painful and she's having a hard time eating. Poor little thing.

Which got me wondering...how am I going to react when she does come home with her tongue pierced...or nose, eyelids, chin, or whatever else my kid is going to have to do to piss me off.

This worries me...my kids generation is going to have to offend us somehow. Me, my daughter is going to have to stretch the limits of my tolerance and beyond. The generation that grew up on Snoop Dogg and Marilyn Manson. The same generation that took piercings from the ears to everywhere above and below the waist.

My daughter's generation is going to offend me, frightening the extent they'll have to go to shock the Beavis and Butthead generation.

What in the world are they going to do?

48!

2009-06-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

My little girl read 48 words, only 4 more to go and she knows all her flashcards. Guess that means I need to buy more flashcards.

I was thinking of making flashcards for her, just use pictures from wikipedia and print words on the back.

I'm on it, wonder how many words I can teach her before she's 2.

Rolling your eyes yet?

Helpful hint

2009-06-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

My daughter has loved pancakes since her first bite...it's one of the foods she'll eat no matter how hungry she is. (I feed her a lot of these when she's sick).

The secret? frozen strawberry puree. I buy 4 boxes (or more) of strawberries when they get cheap...then puree them and cook them down a little and freeze them in ice cube trays.

One pancake (cut into squares with a pizza cutter) topped by one strawberry cube in the microwave (27 seconds in mine) and you have instant breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. (babies don't know the difference, honestly)

I used to make 5-6 at a time and keep some in the fridge for a quick nuke.

Our sleep training.

2009-06-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

Sleep is a hugely important thing to get as right as possible as early as possible. Sleep can make or break parents. Our goal was a baby that could sleep through the night in one stretch, and take a few predictable naps during the day.

The value of having a baby trained to sleep at predictable times is invaluable as a parent. The key to getting and keeping a good sleeping baby is paying attention and correcting problems before they get too severe.

I have made mistakes along the way, but mistakes are a good thing when you learn from them. If you are truly a good parent, you are paying attention and fixing things before they become catastrophes.

Our first mistake was allowing our little one to sleep on us. It’s comforting and builds a bond, and as a new dad…it’s really great to lay junior on your stomach and give him a breathing ride to sleep. We did it too often in the first few weeks (didn’t help to have almost 2 solid weeks of grandma’s playing crib either) and pretty soon the crib became unacceptable, she wanted to sleep on someone.

This one was easy to see coming, and easy to correct. If we were holding her and she fell asleep, she would immediately go into the crib (or the bassinet we set up in the living room. A few days of strict no holding the sleeping baby and it was solved.

She actually started sleeping through the night on her own, a few nights a week at first, and then more regularly we’d wake up at 7am in a panic wondering why she hadn’t make a noise all night…and we’d find her sleeping happily. We were overjoyed.

I don’t know when or why this changed, but after a few months of normal sleep, she suddenly would not go down. She would cry endlessly, only stopping when she was held. It simply got to be too much; it was costing us too much sleep.

I told my wife to let me handle the nighttime awakenings for a while, just nudge me awake and I’ll take care of her.

My solution…bore my baby to sleep. I’m not one for the cry it out method…simply because I can’t stand the sound of a baby crying, and my daughter has a set of bagpipes on her that will make your hair stand up. I couldn’t let her cry, but I couldn’t spend the rest of my life waking up every hour to calm a baby down. I bored my baby to sleep every night.

I would sit in her nursery on a chair and lean my arms and chin against the rail. I would make sure my baby could see my eyes (closed) and stay completely still. I would remain there as long as she was calm and not crying.

As soon as she started crying, I would immediately duck down and lie on the floor out of her view. I would remain on the floor until she stopped crying, or if not I would pop my head up when she slowed down a little, and then return my head to the rail asleep.

I would continue this several times, rewarding (with seeing my face) quiet time in bed, while punishing (my absence) crying in bed.

At first, I would continue this until she fell asleep, or 7-8 cycles of duck down and back up…then after ducking down, slide slowly out of her room.

At first, it worked ok…but after several nights (probably 8-10 nights) of consistent “bore her to sleep” treatment…she got the hint and would quit crying as soon as I would start playing.

We had our baby back, the one that slept 12 hours at night every night. That was about 4 months old I started the “bore her to sleep” method. It doesn’t work so well today, we’ve had to resort to different methods…but I credit this method with imprinting in my daughter that nighttime was for sleep and nothing else.

With babies, it’s important to send very simple and very clear messages. We taught her that crying in bed was not good; lying still in bed was good. Instead of rewarding her crying with attention, I punished crying in bed with lack of attention.

Teaching Your Baby to Read

2009-06-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

You too can teach your baby to read.

I'm not going to be so presumptuous as to claim that my 20 month old daughter can read, but she read 38 separate words this morning.

Want to know our method to teaching her to read?

We first got a pack of flashcards from Grandma for Easter. They had good pictures on one side, then large writing on the back cooresponding to each picture.

A was for apple, B was bee, etc.

I first had her learn the names of all the pictures. I would teach her about 6 at a time, practicing first pointing to the picture with me saying the word...then gradually her saying the word with me pointing to the picture. I made sure to get really excited and happy when she got one right, and she started enjoying the new game.

After about 2 weeks of this game, she had all 52 cards down...so I could flip through them and she could say the word. I didn't intend on her learning this fast, but thought what the hell, might as well try teaching her to read the back.

I started teaching her to read in a very similar way to the words. I'd show her 3 cards at a time, picture up, then flip each card back and forth a few times saying the word over and over again. I then put the 3 cards behind my back (and made up a stupid gameshow doo doo doo song for her) and laid them out picture down. I said the word, and she guessed. I was amazed at the end of the first 2 days that she had memorized and was able to read all 6 words I had tried to teach her.

The challenge was on...I put the 6 she knew in one pile, and tried 6 more. I'd start by seeing how many she remembered from the previous lesson, put those in the "know it" pile and grab a few new ones to make 6 "learning them" cards.

I'd play with 3 of the learning cards at a time, first teaching her to point to the one I was saying then her saying the one I was pointing to.

She's been through periods where she isn't interested at all, when I generally will leave her alone and save the cards for later, and there's points where she'll play memory for hours. I'm trying not to push her to the point where she doesn't enjoy playing, but still keep teaching her to read more words.

We hit 38 this morning. She now demands a high five after almost every right answer, but I figure that's better than giving her treats after each right answer (please don't treat your children like dogs.)

Dad Gets a Time Out

2009-06-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

Time out...what does that mean anyway?

I was given a time out at Minneapolis airport a few weeks ago. I was there with my wife and child, and my daughter was playing on a small playground in the airport (what a good idea!) A dirty little boy cut in front of her while she was patiently waiting her turn to drive the baggage cart...and then had the nerve to push her from her seat while she took her turn.

I was angry, as much at this brat as I was his mother who was staring into space while her child hurt my little girl...as well as 2 other children in the short time I was there.

My wife knows my mad look by now...I don't have much of a poker face. Nostrils flared, body rigid, fists clenched. I was given a time out.

I probably needed a time out, because for a moment I was deciding what physical harm I could legally do to this child...but after finally pushing another child within his mother's narrow attention range, she threatened him with the deadly time-out.

This child was shaken...you could tell that his mother really was going to follow through with a severe punishment if he didn't heed her time-out warning. Note the sarcasm...the truth is he heard her and was content to return to playing out of her attention range, and continue to be as horrible as ever.

Time-outs may certainly work for adults, and some children as well I assume, but this child needed something a little more severe.

Not that I'd be one to give advice to other parents...even one's who suck at it.

Nutrition

2009-06-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

When feeding kids, the key is to be over prepared.

The first 6 months are easy. You have one fluid to feed your kid, and whether you use formula (easy way) or pre-pumped frozen breast milk (our way) or feeding the kid straight from the tap you just have to play a part.

Once you finish the milk, it’s time for solid foods.

My wife and I are both bio majors, and we’re both fairly thrifty. Holy cow, do those little nothing jars of smashed carrots cost a lot of money!

I said screw them, we can make this stuff ourselves.

It’s this easy…buy a can of peas, cook them, mash them somehow (time to clean out the margarita blender) and then pour the mess into ice cube trays. Put the frozen pea cubes into a freezer bag, and voila, you have food ready.

You start to get good at cooking frozen food…I found that for one ice cube of carrots, 27 seconds on high got them perfect. Maybe you don’t have to be quite the arithmomaniac (it’s a real term, look it up) but you can get quite efficient at this.

We did this with carrots, peas, squash, pumpkin, sweet potato. When she got bored with some, we tried mixing some here, adding some there. I found that sweet potato, squash, and a spoonful of applesauce went down the best. Eventually (look online for the rules of what/when to feed them stuff, I just listened to my wife) we added ground turkey frozen cubes.

We’re still using ice cubes to feed our little girl, but now we’re just taking leftovers and ice cubing it. I have lots of hash brown casserole, macaroni & cheese, spaghetti, and lots of other stuff mashed into ice cube form ready to be eaten.

This stuff helps, especially when Mom’s travelling, because babies cannot live on Spaghetti-o’s and toaster strudel alone, trust me.

I’m not one of those organic food types, but I guess if you were it would make it easier to shelter your child against all of those harmful things…

Here's a link to a website that tells you what food you can feed what age baby.
http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/solids.htm

Get creative, your baby will eat things together that you would never imagine.

Superdad

2009-06-10T23:36:00.000-07:00

I’m that guy. The one you’ll be rolling your eyes at for years, I’m the ultra driven parent. I’ve only been a parent for about 20 months, but I’m that guy, I can tell already.

I’m recently unemployed for the first time in over a decade, and I’ve decided to take some time away from my career (which I wasn’t really enjoying in the first place) and put some time into my daughter. I felt left out only seeing her for a few hours a day and I felt like I was missing my chance to make a really exceptional child.

That’s the competitive streak in me; I want my child not only to be happy but to be better than the other kids. Perhaps that’s where Moms and Dads differ. I think most Moms tend to put their focus on raising a happy and well adjusted child.

Maybe it’s easier with boys, you just raise them to be able to catch a football or hit a baseball. You can funnel your competitive energy into seeing that they can kick another child’s butt. A daughter, however, where do you put it?

I not only want to be a good parent to my daughter, I want to win some medals in being a Dad. They don’t make parent Olympics, but perhaps they should.

I’m doing pretty well in the 20 month old division. She’s in the 95th percentile in height, 75th in weight, and can read about 40 words. She can count to 12, and we’re practicing counting Apple Jacks this week on the floor.

My goals are pretty lofty, and certainly pretentious, but that’s who I am. I’m not satisfied with being a good Dad…I’m going for Superdad!

It's Not Just Your Child Growing in That Daycare

2009-05-02T14:11:00.000-07:00

These places suck. I put my daughter in one of them for a year so both Mommy and Daddy could work, and I hated it. Not to criticize one in particular, just daycares in general.

These places are like Petri dishes. I have to drop my daughter off so she can spend all day swapping spit and other fluids with these diseased children, so I have to cancel meetings and other work stuff so I can pick up my girl, take her to the doctor, and spend 3 days because they won’t take a sick kid back until they’ve had a CDC clearance.

We had it all…flus, colds, yeasts, roseaolia (or something like that) and the bubonic plague. In a year, my daughter had gotten nearly everything except the Ebola Virus (luckily, we were on vacation that week).

Make sure you find a daycare without TV/DVD combo’s mounted on the wall of the nursery. I don’t mean to be preachy, but children under 2 should not be watching television at all. I’m a preachy hypocrite, since I let my daughter watch a very small amount of football with me, but otherwise she hasn’t seen much TV at all.

It sucks to drive up and see the TV on in the nursery with bug eyed droolers letting their brains ooze out of their ears. It’s one of those fist pumping moments, however, when you see only your child ignoring the stupid talking sponge rather playing quietly with some actual toys. Who hoo! I’m not raising a zombie!!!

The Sleep

2009-04-09T02:31:00.000-07:00

Yep, the first few months as a Dad are going to cost you some sleep. It’s going to suck, get over it. Think of it this way, one of you (assuming there are 2) is going to have to get 3 hours of sleep once in a while. I’d personally rather spend $20 a week on Redbull than have a sleep deprived wife. That’s just me.

Being A First Time Dad

2009-04-03T23:32:00.000-07:00

If you’re anything like me, you’re confused and frightened in staring fatherhood in the face for the first time. You’ve got a whole lot of time to do nothing but wonder what the next few months and years are going to bring. Am I going to lose sleep, is this going to be a lot of work, is this going to drive me nuts, is it going to take away from quality (wink wink) time with the Mrs.…

The answers, yes, yes, yes, yes…it’ll be harder than you’ll ever believe.

The kicker is…you’ll mind it all so much less than you’ll ever imagine.

You’re going to have to learn to live on a few hours sleep, you’re going to have to get drool, and spit, and food, and feces all over you.

Jump right in, promise yourself and promise your kid that you’re in with both feet. That moment you stare your child in the eyes for the first time will change you. You’ll suddenly want to do anything for the little one, and the smallest things they do will make your day.

It’s worth it, all of it, and just about any Dad will tell you the same. The instincts kick in real quick as soon as you hold them. I should know, I almost put an OR doctor through a wall because I thought he was being too rough with my daughter while he was cleaning her up. I literally dropped my arm back to swing at this doctor, and I’m pretty close to a dedicated pacifist.

I didn’t hit the guy, and luckily I spent my first night as a Dad on an uncomfortable couch rather than a jail cell. Win #1!